When I was a little girl, my cousin Diane and I used to play dress-up all of the time. So much so, we decided to go trick or treating one day mid-summer just for the fun of it. Our neighbors were very good sports but our parents were mortified! Why would we ever consider doing such a crazy thing? We did it because it was spontaneous and fun...period. Our parents didn't embrace our explanation one bit. I believe I may have been grounded for it...LOL! But remembering their response led me to writing this post...have we become a society immune to celebrating holidays? And if so, why?
As the Gift Therapist, I receive tons of emails asking for gift giving help. Sometimes I receive long rants (I love to get those!) explaining why they feel compelled to buy a gift for someone they barely know or do not like...those really crack me up! But seriously....when did we become so neutral or angry about holiday celebrations?
I realize that not everyone feels this way...but I am hearing enough gruff that makes me wonder how and why all of this negativity is suddenly bubbling to the surface. I have some ideas that I would like to share with you as well as some potential solutions.
Reason #1: Holidays celebrations are usually centralized around the family unit. Since my Grandmother's generation, our family has been progressively shrinking and the traditions are slowly fading. Remembering how great things "used to be" can evoke depressing thoughts, thus creating a thin veil of stress over the holiday celebration...i.e. "Christmas will never be the same with Granny."
Reason #2: Families are much busier and stretched too thin. Increased work demands and two parent working households are now the norm. Who is going to have the time, energy and desire to pull it all together? Feeling the need to do it all, and the guilt of not wanting to do it all is very stressful...
Reason #3: Families are much more extended. Divorce, separation, step-families and step-children add even more stress to the mix. How many families can you reasonably visit (and enjoy visiting) in one day? And how do you set boundaries or allocate your time without hurting some one's feelings? Virtually impossible, yet we strive to do it all and dreading it...Even more stress...
Reason #4: Someone decided that tangible gifts were necessary to commemorate every holiday and special occasion and we bought into hook, line, and sinker. Well, some of us did...and are paying for it now with credit card debt or just plain old overspending for no reason at all. Did we really think that a tangible gift could really be a substitute for something simple, appropriate, and thoughtful? But some of us fell into this time saving (and money gobbling) trap just to cross that person off of our gift list...and now we can't afford to do that anymore...how do we explain that we will be cutting back this year?...Even more stress!
Reason #5: We are just plain bored with holidays due to one or more of the reasons listed above. We've conditioned ourselves through the law of diminishing returns...after a few years of holiday related stress syndrome, we just become numb...or worse, we check out completely. What used to be manageable has now become avoidable...holiday? What holiday?
Does this sound like you? Can you relate? I certainly can...been there, done that! Here are some things that I have done to bring back the joy and eliminate some of the stress that a holiday celebration can bring:
- I choose to celebrate with people who I have close relationships with and enjoy celebrating with. I no longer feel compelled to accept invitations from people who don't communicate with us on a regular basis. If you're not calling just to say "hi" or asking us to meet up for coffee date throughout the year, odds are you are not going to see us the "day of" a primary holiday...sorry...but I may buy you a small gift and deliver it to you at a later or earlier date out of respect for familie ties.
- I don't follow the rules...except for the golden rule, which I live and give by. I give what I can, when I can. I put as much thought into making both the holiday and gift giving fun for those who choose to celebrate with me. That strategy alone can work wonders for you!
- I look forward to creating my own traditions and holiday celebrations. I know that I can never recreate the past but I can certainly build from it! I think my parents were wrong when they punished me for my 'trick or treating in July" caper...it was fun, creative and memorable....even 30 years later.
What will you do to make your next holiday celebration more joyous, memorable, and worth celebrating? I am very anxious to hear your thoughts and comments...
Happy Giving!
